Monday, September 1, 2014

Goodbye August

Hi all,

I have successfully survived one month of being a FTWM (Full Time Working Mum), hurray! I think I deserve two tubs of Ben and Jerry new chocolate core ice cream all by myself, and a 8 hours undisturbed sleep... without waking up feeling engorged.

Its been a really tough month for me, I have definitely underestimated what it would be like going back to work. In my mind, I thought I just needed to cruise through my work and then go back to my baby in the evening x5 and then hurray it will be the weekends! But it was just so much harder and different.

To start with, I went back to my boss' final week at work and a crazy handover from him and then meeting my new and current boss. So with a new manager, you can expect new work processes, new ideas, new expectations, and basically more and more and more work. And so more work would then mean - longer working hours, staying late in office, working late at home, having calls from my manager off working hours (which I absolutely hated) and tremendous amount of stress. And then to top it off, I am still going on with breastfeeding my little one.

I know non-mummies can't really fully understand the above statement. By saying I am still breastfeeding, it would mean having to find time to pump at least twice in office in the midst of my crazy work day that always makes me panic when I can't meet one feed in a single pump session, waking up once or twice in the middle of the night to feed her and that would leave me to an accumulated 4-5 hours of sleep each night.

Every day I just look forward to switching off my laptop, and crawling into bed to just stare into space. But I can't... because after work, I have mummy duties to do. I have to bathe her, feed her, put her to sleep, scramble for a quick shower not knowing if she would cry the next minute. By the time its time for bed, I am dead exhausted but so exhausted that I lie on my bed and find myself unable to fall asleep because there is too much on my mind. And by the time I slowly doze off, the baby starts crying.

I am sorry if you have just read 391 words of me complaining. But I am ending this entry with thanksgiving. Each time I break into tears at work, or at home or wherever... I will tell myself that I am blessed to have supportive husband and in-laws. They help me with to care for Zoe whenever I needed to work late or there are times they took leave from work or made arrangements whenever I have to go into office at the very last minute. I thank God we managed to have a really good domestic helper that we recently hired, she is a fast learner (credits to the husband for teaching her every single thing and my MIL for passing down her cooking recipes), thoughtful and diligent. I thank God for Zoe, who always make me smile and forget all that I have on my mind. I thank God for His grace, and strength that keeps me going till now.

Fingers crossed for a lighter September, x.

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