Wednesday, January 22, 2014

We're Home

Its been 3 days since Jiahao and I have shifted into our new home and we've been spending our evenings together after work eating dinner and then unpacking till its bed time. I still get teary whenever I thought about how I no longer stay with my in-laws, and I know its kind of shocking to some people, but I really felt like I got married all over again and the whole leaving home and parents episode begins. (grabs a tissue in front of me and wipes away my tears).

Last week, when reality hits me that I will be moving for good, I couldn't really sleep well for a few nights and in fact I cried myself to sleep on one of the nights. I thought about everything about the past 2.5 years I have lived here and how I am going to miss every single bit about it including some things that I was annoyed about like the multiple kinds of birds chirping at weird hours, the pipe upstairs that caused a ruckus every now and then, the water pressure from the shower head that cannot be fixed etc..

One of the things I will definitely miss is of course the room that Jiahao and I stayed in. I had tonnes of memories there that it has become like my "secret place" where I feel at peace whenever I am back home. I went through the hardest time of my life in this room literally as well, I remembered weeping at probably every corner of the room before, the times I lied on the bed and watched the dark skies turned bright, my encounters with God in this room, and of course the memories that Jiahao and I had in this room since we got married. Oh and I will definitely miss watching TV on my bed because my current room's layout doesn't allow us to have one. Its so hard to part with this room!

I will also miss the warmth and liveliness of staying with my in-laws. I am not exaggerating when I say they make me laugh every single day. I have never felt like an outsider staying here since day 1, they did everything they could to make my stay here easier and they have extended so much love and acceptance to me that it often reminds me of how much God loves me. So, leaving them to stay elsewhere is as painful as I left my parents' place. And I know my in-laws have already missed us and probably my MIL had it hard too, so till now I don't think I can go back there anytime so soon this week because I might burst into tears when I see our empty and transformed room. (grabs another tissue to blow my nose...)

Besides having to detach myself emotionally from my in-laws place, its also rather taxing to readjust to new routines, new environment and new neighborhood (hopefully no weird bird chirping sound). And I guess its the feeling of "we are really on our own now" that's quite startling too. But you know, at the end of the day I know that this phase will pass soon and it has to because I am giving myself a month the most to get myself together about this whole new environment, saying goodbye to my in-laws place thing and recognizing that "yes we are now on our own" feeling, because I am going to be a mother really really soon and there are definitely much more adjustments to make and there is no time or space for feeling tired and stress about adjustments when there is a helpless baby in the house probably crying every now and then.

So though I have been teary and emotional on this topic, not to worry because I have already felt much better compared to last week. During worship in church service, God really encouraged me with a word that's very simple but yet lifted up my spirits. "Though its hard to leave a place of memories, you will be creating new ones in your new home." Its so true... so I am going to look ahead to making new memories in this new home with Jiahao, and especially more so when I have a +1 in 2 months' time! And hopefully.... no shifting of house anytime so soon again!

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